Saddes day of my life. what I should of done but didnt.
31th... the day before the new year...
5.50am sitting in the airport. first time I didnt have much to say... but talking shit, telling and lisening to stupid jokes that was actually funny and kept looking at the clock to check how much time do I have left and hopping, wishing I had more. And but still, didnt have much to say... I guess I didnt say shit is coz I'd go crybaby on my family and girlfriend. ya, I am a crybaby. I'm sucker when it comes to goodbyes.
Ticket says boarding time 0630. I went in at 6.15am. wishing I should of used my last 15minits to say what I wanted to say. but no, I was too worrried that I might miss my plane. everyone knows that won't happen. it was bloody 6.00 in the morning! the people that check in after me still got on the plane! but no, I was too proud. dont want anyone to see me cry! who the fuck cares! they dont know me! I'm leaving for a fucking long time, I have right to! but no.... I was being stupid. thinking too much.
My good byes... when I think back, it was fucked up ay!. only if I could of gone back in time, I'd walk up behind ME while ME is saying ME's goodbyes, tap his back...when ME truns around give ME a nice hard Tyson punch in ME's face. then pick ME up and tell ME to say what ME, I wanted to say to my
big brother : now that your back with the family, you have to take care of them. like our wild little sister that gets drunk alot. make sure she's ok and not getting in trouble. take care of mum and dad... mum still crying, dad pretending not to...they'll be over it soon. and love you bro... even tho we sometime dont see eye to eye. hahaha, get it??? eye?? I gave you a blue eye one time?? nvm... but ya, you take care dude.
my 2 bests mates : stoping being a dicks. thats all. no, joking... we'v been friends for like for ever longer as cuzens. this might sound gay to some people. fuck them... you'v always been there for me when I needed a friend. well, you guys still can but not like always. gona miss you guys man! hanging out, talking shit and STOOMING! love you guys. take care of tadpole for me mates. she's got my heart.
lastly, my darling going to miss dradfully girlfriend : please dont cry... coz everytime you cry I'll cry harder. I'll miss you every second we'er apart... like when my eyes blink while I'm looking at you, when I just let go of your hand, and like when I turn around and walk away. you make me so happy, you have my heart that why I'm feeling so sad. I love you...
Then............. ask ME to wipe ME's face, slap MEself over the head. then back to my time. then I'd feel abit better about myself but it doesn't work like that, does it....
For my darling girlfriends eyes only.
so, in a few minits I'll lying in my bed lisening to Damien Rice " the blowers daughter" crying myself to sleep. I missing you!!!! yes you!!! I know your reading my blog. say it with me... "WE" will work... ok.
5.50am sitting in the airport. first time I didnt have much to say... but talking shit, telling and lisening to stupid jokes that was actually funny and kept looking at the clock to check how much time do I have left and hopping, wishing I had more. And but still, didnt have much to say... I guess I didnt say shit is coz I'd go crybaby on my family and girlfriend. ya, I am a crybaby. I'm sucker when it comes to goodbyes.
Ticket says boarding time 0630. I went in at 6.15am. wishing I should of used my last 15minits to say what I wanted to say. but no, I was too worrried that I might miss my plane. everyone knows that won't happen. it was bloody 6.00 in the morning! the people that check in after me still got on the plane! but no, I was too proud. dont want anyone to see me cry! who the fuck cares! they dont know me! I'm leaving for a fucking long time, I have right to! but no.... I was being stupid. thinking too much.
My good byes... when I think back, it was fucked up ay!. only if I could of gone back in time, I'd walk up behind ME while ME is saying ME's goodbyes, tap his back...when ME truns around give ME a nice hard Tyson punch in ME's face. then pick ME up and tell ME to say what ME, I wanted to say to my
big brother : now that your back with the family, you have to take care of them. like our wild little sister that gets drunk alot. make sure she's ok and not getting in trouble. take care of mum and dad... mum still crying, dad pretending not to...they'll be over it soon. and love you bro... even tho we sometime dont see eye to eye. hahaha, get it??? eye?? I gave you a blue eye one time?? nvm... but ya, you take care dude.
my 2 bests mates : stoping being a dicks. thats all. no, joking... we'v been friends for like for ever longer as cuzens. this might sound gay to some people. fuck them... you'v always been there for me when I needed a friend. well, you guys still can but not like always. gona miss you guys man! hanging out, talking shit and STOOMING! love you guys. take care of tadpole for me mates. she's got my heart.
lastly, my darling going to miss dradfully girlfriend : please dont cry... coz everytime you cry I'll cry harder. I'll miss you every second we'er apart... like when my eyes blink while I'm looking at you, when I just let go of your hand, and like when I turn around and walk away. you make me so happy, you have my heart that why I'm feeling so sad. I love you...
Then............. ask ME to wipe ME's face, slap MEself over the head. then back to my time. then I'd feel abit better about myself but it doesn't work like that, does it....
For my darling girlfriends eyes only.
so, in a few minits I'll lying in my bed lisening to Damien Rice " the blowers daughter" crying myself to sleep. I missing you!!!! yes you!!! I know your reading my blog. say it with me... "WE" will work... ok.
posted by T@ug3y at 6:58 AM
1 Comments:
Ing here. I read your blog when we were celebrating New Year's Eve at the Other Office. Ollie, Apui and Balan did too. I'm overwhelmed by the emotion involved.
You're so loved...
I love you so much Tingang. I don't even need to tell you for you to know... your goodbye was good for me, everything you do was good for me so even if you had done it differently, feelings wouldn't be any different.
I love you. I love you. I love you.
I can't stop thinking of you and I realise this is sounding more like a Hallmark card by the minute but I'm a girl and I'm allowed to be a pussy.
Hugs. I dreamt of you in my sleep just now and you were hauntingly real. I felt like I could reach out and just touch you. And I woke up, I woke up to the darkness and when I turned to my left, the bed was empty. And I've never felt loneliness so cold...
This pain will go away soon hopefully and be replaced by growing love for you day by day. I pray for your well being. Take care, sweetie. Hugs. Love.
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