Saddes day of my life. what I should of done but didnt.

31th... the day before the new year...
5.50am sitting in the airport. first time I didnt have much to say... but talking shit, telling and lisening to stupid jokes that was actually funny and kept looking at the clock to check how much time do I have left and hopping, wishing I had more. And but still, didnt have much to say... I guess I didnt say shit is coz I'd go crybaby on my family and girlfriend. ya, I am a crybaby. I'm sucker when it comes to goodbyes.
Ticket says boarding time 0630. I went in at 6.15am. wishing I should of used my last 15minits to say what I wanted to say. but no, I was too worrried that I might miss my plane. everyone knows that won't happen. it was bloody 6.00 in the morning! the people that check in after me still got on the plane! but no, I was too proud. dont want anyone to see me cry! who the fuck cares! they dont know me! I'm leaving for a fucking long time, I have right to! but no.... I was being stupid. thinking too much.
My good byes... when I think back, it was fucked up ay!. only if I could of gone back in time, I'd walk up behind ME while ME is saying ME's goodbyes, tap his back...when ME truns around give ME a nice hard Tyson punch in ME's face. then pick ME up and tell ME to say what ME, I wanted to say to my
big brother : now that your back with the family, you have to take care of them. like our wild little sister that gets drunk alot. make sure she's ok and not getting in trouble. take care of mum and dad... mum still crying, dad pretending not to...they'll be over it soon. and love you bro... even tho we sometime dont see eye to eye. hahaha, get it??? eye?? I gave you a blue eye one time?? nvm... but ya, you take care dude.

my 2 bests mates : stoping being a dicks. thats all. no, joking... we'v been friends for like for ever longer as cuzens. this might sound gay to some people. fuck them... you'v always been there for me when I needed a friend. well, you guys still can but not like always. gona miss you guys man! hanging out, talking shit and STOOMING! love you guys. take care of tadpole for me mates. she's got my heart.

lastly, my darling going to miss dradfully girlfriend : please dont cry... coz everytime you cry I'll cry harder. I'll miss you every second we'er apart... like when my eyes blink while I'm looking at you, when I just let go of your hand, and like when I turn around and walk away. you make me so happy, you have my heart that why I'm feeling so sad. I love you...

Then............. ask ME to wipe ME's face, slap MEself over the head. then back to my time. then I'd feel abit better about myself but it doesn't work like that, does it....

For my darling girlfriends eyes only.
so, in a few minits I'll lying in my bed lisening to Damien Rice " the blowers daughter" crying myself to sleep. I missing you!!!! yes you!!! I know your reading my blog. say it with me... "WE" will work... ok.

Just filling in the empty spaces with family and friends.

Im with my girl now and Im missing already. 20 more great,loving, days with my girlfriend before I leave. HOW???? keep asking my self that... but also I keep telling my self it going to work. coz I got a good feeling about this one. "she's a keeper" I wish things could be different... like I could "stay...." but no... the world doesn't work like that, everything has to go the way the wind blows hehehe. thats so bullshit!!! fucking bullshit!!! I just wana see things go my way once a while!!! you know...
well, I got her to my hometown "KUCHING" for a week for my cuZens wedding but actually wasnt suppose to go... I was at her place that night then in the morning my mum just calls and tells me I have to go this MORNING!!! its was 8:30am and my flight was at 10:30am. yesterday they said no. now they telling me Im leaving in a few hours! but that day I was planing to have a romatic dinner with her but fate AGAIN cuts us off again. but lucky, she came 2days after... 1point to me and 1point for Fate. hahaha suck on that! you cant take that away from me! on the way to pick her up from the airport it felt like, when I was younger in my school days hormones going wild. well, I always loved it when the school bell rings to go home. I was in a boys school and the girls school was on the other side and just couldnt wait to see the girls hahahaa or like on your birthday you would just cant wait to open the presents! thats how I felt!!!! JUST COULDNT WAIT!!!! Im what you call a shy guy when it come to girls... only when Im drunk or high then I'll be the MAN hahaha. I had everything planed in my mind that I'd go up to her and hug her kiss her. like something that came out of a bolliwood movie hehehe. well, like i said "SHY" small hug took her bag put it into the boot..................

Thats all.............................

why am I so stupid!!!!!

girlfriend come all the way here just for me and thats how I welcomed her!!!! I feel so stupid!

BAD CLIMAX right!!!!!!!!!

anyways, she came on my CuZens wedding day so we had to rush to the church. well, the actual point of her coming was to meet me cuzens on the other side of sarawak. she has met most of my familly in miri. and coz when Im gone and she'll still be here, she will have more friends and know who to look for if she gets into any problems and be safe so I dont have to worry so much... I think I worry too much. not worried that she'll cheat on me. just worried "if shes ok kinda thing" what can I say, I LOVE MY CHICK. hehehe...

now Im back with her in miri. and hoping, praying and wishing that these 20 days would last forever... I know I sound so fucking EmO but cant help it. 4 years with out seeing her face, touch of her skin, her lips on mine, her sweet smile, and the sound of her voice face to face. wish it wasnt this hard but it is...

this is my promis to you my love.

I'll wait and wait and wait as long as it takes....

Love
your darling boyfriend.